I've been sitting here for a while, trying to think of how to start this post but I keep erasing it. So if you're reading this sentence, it means I didn't cull it like so many lesser versions which came before. Congratulations, sentence! You get to live. For now.
I spent the most recent week of my vacation visiting friends and family back in Canada. I've been back in Korea for almost two weeks now, and I guess the reason it was so difficult to get this started is because of how surreal the whole experience was. I was trying to vocalize it the whole week I was back but, much to the annoyance of everyone I got to see, the most I could ever say was, "Yeah it feels...strange, I guess? You know, like how...how sometimes things are...like strange? I dunno. Am I making sense? I'm gonna take a nap." I'll get into that more later.
Wow, it was a really fantastic week though. I did all the things I wanted to and more, basically living out of a car for a few days while I drove all over southern Ontario to visit people. I saw friends and members of my family who I haven't even been on the same continent with for over two years, and everyone was unbelievably kind to me. People went way out of their way to spend time with me, bought me stuff, tolerated my various ad-hoc ruminations on life in Korea and all the times I variously blurted out, "Oh yeah! Trees! I forgot Canada has trees!" or some such fascinating observation. I realized after going home that it actually took me way longer than normal to finish any given meal back in Canada because I just wouldn't shut up for a few minutes.
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| I will never tire of this view. Not as long as I live |
It was a little strange being back though, in a way which is still hard to describe. On Sunday morning I woke up in my parent's apartment and, for one prolonged and delirious moment, honestly thought the whole thing had been a dream.
Actually the whole week was like that, this nagging sense of displacement or deja vu that I couldn't really explain. I'm trying to think of an analogy but I really can't. Two years away pulls this nearly transparent veil between you and the life you lived before. Everything was still familiar (though I did actually make that remark about trees), but from an odd distance. I mean, it wasn't as dramatic as, "Holy hell! What's Tim Hortons? Where am I?!" but there was always this thought like, "Yep, that exists, I remember," like a tiny jolt as old memories were reconnected to the present.
There was also the strange sensation of suddenly not being a foreigner anymore. Before my vacation I hadn't set foot outside of Asia in two years and I've long since grown accustomed to the sort of looks I imagine Thor Bjornsson gets everywhere he goes. So being back home gave me this weird sense of reverse self-consciousness (if such a thing exists), like, "Why isn't anyone staring at me anymore? What am I doing?"
Before I wrap this up, I have to be serious with you for a minute, because those of you reading this are probably exactly the same people who spent a whole week reminding me how loved and wanted I am back home. I really, truly love you all and I miss you every day. Our time was too short, so until we meet again: Thank you for everything.
Today's title:
Today's title:
