I've been everywhere (but not China)

Hot damn, where to begin? My last update was when I went to the DMZ, which seems like such a long time ago I barely remembered it actually happened. I've been to three countries since then and I'm absolutely gonna get into that but let's get the nonsense about what's happening here out of the way first.

I'll be leaving my current school at the end of this term (just over a month from the time of this writing in fact). My contract wasn't renewed and to be honest, things have taken a bit of a downward turn. The past two terms have felt a lot like when you're trying to drag a live bear up the side of a mountain, and the bear doesn't want to move so it keeps trying to murder the fuck out of you, and the person making you do it won't tell you why but keeps throwing garbage at you the whole time, and when you finally get to the top of the hill there are already quite a lot of bears there so they just make you take the bear back down. You know, the classic.

So I'm moving on and moving up. Pay raise, nicer apartment, closer to Seoul, live-in servants, a household guard and all the nickels I can eat. I'm excited! I have a hundred things I keep forgetting to figure out but I'm excited. I will attempt to update this thing for the two of you who are still reading it but I can't make any promises. Especially to the two of you. You know why.

Speaking of awkward transitions, this year I visited Macau, Hong Kong and Taiwan! I really wanted to do each country as its own post but given my track record it's probably wise to be a little more concise. My girlfriend and I went to Macau and Hong Kong back in January, shortly before my last update. We spent the first few days in Macau in a pretty stunning area, surrounded by elaborate architecture and casino hotels that seemed to bludgeon you about the head with a wad of cash. Everything was either gorgeous and polished or had this fascinating old world aesthetic. Macau was administered by Portugal from the mid-1500s onward and had been a Portuguese colony from the late 1800s up until 1999 when sovereignty was given back to China. We visited during the lunar new year, and it was really interesting walking around the older distracts. There were rows of buildings clustered along narrow streets which was very reminiscent of Europe, but everything was covered in traditional Chinese decorations in celebration of the holiday. Chloe and I spent a lot of time exploring the older districts, visiting the old fortress and the ruins of St. Paul's. We also spent some time trying to hustle the Venetian casino at roulette and managed to win about $10! Meals were about $30 per person so I think we came out on top.

Click here to add a caption

Click here to add a...nah I'll stop

From there we took the ferry back to Hong Kong, which I have given the insultingly dull honorific of "Most Easiest City to Navigate if you're a Tourist and an Imbecile." Hong Kong is a huge city in a small area, and every ten meters or so there is a signpost telling you about cool stuff you can go see and how to find it. We visited Victoria Peak the first night we were there. I have to say, I've seen a lot of cities at night from the tops of tall buildings because it's a weird compulsion of mine, like if I don't do that a pterodactyl will slam into my plane on the way home, but none of them compare to Hong Kong. I genuinely think you can see more of the city at night than during the day. I mean, seriously:

Seriously

We only had a short time in the city but we visited a lot of cool places. There was a boardwalk along the river with dedications to Chinese actors who became famous in Hong Kong, like Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan (I definitely tried to fight a Bruce Lee statue but I lost). We went to some amazing night markets which sold everything for cheap, and I ended up buying a couple shirts because the lady running the stall told some pretty hilarious jokes, such as, "Nah you're not that fat," and, "Oh yeah they'll totally fit." We also went to a traditional Buddhist temple during the New Year's celebrations and I tried my best to blend in while proceeding through the ceremony. You can imagine exactly how well that went and you will be 100% correct. The food was incredible and it was truly one of the coolest cities I've ever visited.

Well, that just about wraps it up! Except NO IT DOESN'T BECAUSE TAIWAN

Holy crap! Isn't that building in Taiwan?!

We were thrown a surprise vacation and with a ridiculously small amount of notice I managed to book a short trip down to Taipei with my friend and fellow indentured servant Elaina. I went to the top of Taipei 101 on the first night and did an awkward dance in this cool disco hallway near the roof. I spent a day visiting a ton of popular tourist spots like the National Palace Museum, the Grand Hotel, the Chang Kai-Shek memorial and then ending it with a hike up Elephant Mountain. The National Palace Museum might be one of the most fascinating places I've visited in the past couple years. It's filled with ancient Chinese artifacts which are so old that if you were born 2,000 years ago, you could have found one and said, "Holy shit, this thing is over two thousand years old!"

This thing is older than many countries

I also spent a day with some truly wonderful people who I met through Elaina, and they took the time out of their weekend to show us around the city and buy us an upsetting amount of food. Oh man, the food. I wouldn't know where to start, because I don't even know the names of many things I ate, but everything was so delicious and cheap that if you spend a week there just eating nonstop, even with the plane ticket you would break even. You would wind up in a grave but it would be economical.

So between my last two vacations, I have been everywhere in China except for anywhere which is actually in China. Where should I go next?

I guess I'll go back to Canada for a week. That's gonna be weird.

TO BE CONTINUED... or something